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"Angel In My Eyes"
I'm lying on the porch,
I'm lookin' at the stars,
They're lookin' beautiful, tonight...
And then I hear your voice,
I turn and see your eyes,
They also look like stars,
Hidden inside an angel...
A romantic, I could be,
But I don't really care,
You're an angel in my eyes,
Even if I'm the only one,
The only one who sees your hidden wings...
Right now you think you know me,
you really think you do.
But not everything I've told you
is really all that true
Tell me that it's worth it,
that the tears aren't in vain.
The stress has finally gotten me,
and i slowly waste away.
Now I am so jaded,
it just doesn't matter anymore.
Sometimes I feel I've seen too much,
yet before me lies so much more.
Is it truly worth it?
How can you be so stupid,
to think you really know me?
How can you be so stupid,
to expect me to conform?
And now the scars burn even hotter,
the pain is never ending.
And I slowly waste away.
One says to love,
the other says to loathe.
One says to forgive,
to live and let live.
The other screams that i should hate you for all eternity.
One claims that you care,
the other tells me that you couldn't really give a rat's ass.
Which is right?
I wish I could decide.
One reminds me constantly
of yelled arguements,
of insults thrown,
of promises and a heart broken.
The other insists that i forgive and forget.
One says you're not worth it,
that soon you'll be gone.
The other shouts that you'll always be there for me.
Which side do I follow?
Which side is true to me?
To which half of my two sided heart
should I be true?
When I was young I was so innocent,
Open, trusting, a child that wanted to
Just be happy, a friend, someone...
It was alright, at first, but then I experienced this pain,
It was a pain I couldn't take,
A pain I couldn't shake,
A pain that makes you feel terrible...
I took it in best I could,
Trying to make it,
Trying to take it,
Trying to just make it go away...
Later on it went too far,
I couldn't hold it anymore
Rage was inside me forever more,
It built up so much,
For all those long years
Violence surrounded me, wanting to
Just send it all away...
But they finally left, but
Left a mark, a scar,
That just would take some time,
Some time to heal...but it got worse...
My emotions froze.
I couldn't let myself open anymore,
I kept to myself,
Thinking that everyone should,
That everyone would,
That everyone could
Just leave me alone....
Later on the ice melted,
I'm happier now...
Yet there's some still remaining,
That left as a scar, a scar of
As I sit here with it snowing,
Flakes falling, coming and going,
Looking at the sky,
We cannot fly...
I stand in the snow,
Present in hand, to go
To a special person,
A special person I knew,
A special person I loved,
But I was not sure whether
Or not I should give it.
But it was a very special gift,
A gift that was amazing,
And I felt it gave a purpose,
Showing that if God's angels can fly,
Then why don't I give this gift to her so she can try?
My emotional anguish deepens
the tears are rivelets flowing over a smooth terrain
I wonder... can I still feel?
I'll paint a pretty picture
with a razor sharp brush I paint it on my wrist
at first it is colorless
but soon a beautiful paint fills in the lines.
The paint keeps flowing, yet i feel no pain
so i trace the design over again
so I can now feel it
the carpet around me now has a rose colored hue
I feel faint now
the cold yet welcome kiss of death graces me,
taking away my wasted life.
I don't want to wake up.
I'm taking the coward's way out.
I feel the much needed eternal rest approaching.
I wonder if they'll miss me.
I chose the coward's way to die.
I chose suicide
Be Not Everyone Else
you don't know me
everyone thinks they do
but in truth
not even I know myself.
one never knows themself
for from the very beginning
you're influenced by someone
you spend your whole life living up to others' expectations
everyone spends so much time
worrying about what someone else thinks about them
that they lose themselves.
so before you say "be yourself", as if you know me,
find out who you are
see if you can find one aspect of yourself
that isn't influenced by someone else
I can never be myself,
for we are all someone else.